By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
For centuries and across cultures, funerals have helped bereaved people know what to do when they don’t know what to do. We hold funeral services to acknowledge the reality of a death, recall the life of the person who died, activate support, express grief into mourning, establish new meaning in our lives, and integrate back into our communities.
Currently, we are faced with a predicament: People do not understand the purpose of funerals. They question the value of the elements that compose these special, individualized ceremonies. In previous articles, I’ve recommended educating families about the respective merits of visitations, music, eulogies, and symbols. Here, I will outline the value of funeral readings. My hope is that this information will help you convey to clients the importance and meaning of readings as a funeral element.
The readings used in funerals have the capacity to bare our most profound thoughts and feelings about death. They are words “well said.” Often crafted by master wordsmiths, they capture what we feel inside but are incapable of expressing as eloquently ourselves.
You can also understand readings as counterpoints to music. Music appeals deeply and directly to the emotions and spirit; readings have the same effect – but by way of the mind. Everyone absorbs information differently, and for the “word people” in attendance, readings are an especially effective element.
Religious funerals often feature funeral scriptures or bible verses. Texts like the Judeo-Christian Bible are believed to contain God’s own words about life and death, making these readings a focal point of many religious services.
Secular ceremonies can also include readings, such as funeral poems, that help family and friends mourn. Readings that specifically mention death help bereaved individuals acknowledge the reality and finality of death. Moreover, readings that prompt grievers to get in touch with their emotions can be equally helpful and meaningful.
Families might consider readings that capture the unique life and philosophies of the decedent. Favorite passages, poems, and sayings can be integrated into the ceremony. Each of these hand-picked readings should be prefaced with a few words on its significance to the person. These readings help funeral attendees memorialize the person who died.
Appropriate readings are one of the most important funeral elements as mourners search for meaning in the face of death. Religious and secular passages alike place death within a larger context of meaning and therefore offer comfort to mourners. I suggest that funeral homes keep a compilation of sample readings – both religious and secular – for families to consider for potential use in their loved one’s funeral.
Inviting several people to recite readings is a good way to involve mourners in the funeral ceremony. Participatory funerals help mourners feel more engaged as they honor the person who died. Call-and-response or group readings also can demonstrate social bonds and foster community support.
Of course, the full integration of grief does not happen at a funeral. Let’s remind ourselves that funerals are rites of initiation, not rites of closure. As do other elements of funerals, readings help grieving loved ones experience a glimmer of light at a time when all seems dark.
It is my hope that you will work with families to incorporate meaningful readings, bible passages and other nice readings for funerals into services. Funeral readings are an essential element that make the tapestry of a funeral richer and more meaningful.
Alan Wolfelt is recognized as one of North America’s leading death educators and grief counselors. His books on grief for both caregivers and grieving people have sold more than a million copies worldwide and have been translated into multiple languages. Wolfelt is the founder and director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and a longtime consultant to funeral services and one of North America’s leading death educators and grief counselors.
